I. What is the most crucial accessory for an infant less than one year?
a.) a swing.
b.) a jumper.
c.) Baby Einstein.
d.) Baby Hawking.
e.) none of the above.
II. Which of the following are absolutely essential for stimulating physical and motor development?
a.) gym and play mat.
b.) gym and play mat that plays music.
c.) gym and play mat that plays music and transmits pattern recognition scores directly to baby’s projected future school district office.
d.) one of them I made up. The first one? I don’t remember.
III. What is the best and most reliable way to handle a toddler who says “no?”
c.) Noo no no no no NO.
IV. How often is too often to hold an infant without spoiling it?
a.) 10 minutes for every hour until 8 months.
b.) After lunch.
d.) You see where I’m going with this post, don’t you?
V. It is amazing that we survived for so long as a species without:
a.) The teether-rattler combo.
b.) This blog.
c.) Baby wipes.
d.) Actually, it’s baby wipes.
e.) I’m not joking.