DIY Summer Camp

It’s a strange new “normal” we find ourselves in this summer.  It feels like we’ve been waiting in place since mid-March.  Yet nature continues to move forward.  So while I feel like it’s still the week before Spring Break, the trees all have leaves, the rain is almost done for the season, and the vegetable garden has tiny tomatoes on summer tomato plants.

Every summer activity I had planned for the kids (and the family) has been cancelled, so my summer calendar stretches out as empty as the last three months.  

Disappointed and desperate for something to look forward to, I decided we’d design our own summer camp. I have declared this the summer of “Family Camp” and invited the kids to help me design our own summer camp experience.

In mid-June we had a family meeting to brainstorm things we’d all like to do together this summer and decide on a ‘schedule’ for ‘camp’.  We amassed a long list of things that includes typical summer camp activities, time for reading and quiet time alone, and activities that will take us out of the house and off on an adventure.

At our planning meeting we decided camp would run Tuesday through Friday, for three to four hours of the day. The brainstorming was so successful that I ended the meeting there, before anyone could change their mind about how much incredible fun we were going to have together all summer. (Did I mention my kids are 12, 14, and 17?)

Our first official week of Family Camp arrived, but I had made camping reservations along the Oregon coast.  So we went camping for three days.  It wasn’t the day camp we’d planned, but we had an excellent time together doing something away from the house where we’ve been sequestered since March.

Before the next week started, we had a second planning meeting. This time we got more specific about what we’d do and when we’d do it. We’ll do this at the beginning of each week so that we have a schedule that everyone can look to if they forget what has been planned.

Each of the kids advocated for the activities they wanted to do during the week ahead and we were able to design a week with something for everyone and no complaints. I think we’ve learned some social skills while being home-bound for four months.

So Family Camp begins with bowling in the morning and some Khan Academy in the afternoon.  The following day we are having a friendly Nailed It! baking contest.  (We haven’t decided if it will be a team sport or if we’ll end up with four of the same cakes. I’ll let the group decision making process decide that.)  We’ll bake together in the morning, then decorate and hold a friendly competition after lunch.

Next, we’ll be at home, playing board games and doing some reading.  And on our final day of camp this week we’ll get out and hike.  My oldest did the research to find an easy day hike about an hour away.  We’ll pack a lunch to take with us and then picnic during the 5 mile hike in the Oregon woods.

It will be fun, but from a parenting perspective the most important part of this whole process hasn’t been the activities themselves, really, but the commitment we are making to each other.  To show up.  To have a schedule, with things planned and an agreement that we will do them together. Despite the empty calendar, we now have a plan.

If you’d like to plan your own “Family Camp” this summer, here are some of the things  on our list:

Field Trips: the beach, berry picking, swimming in a lake, overnight camping, hiking

Bowling (we joined the summer league at Highland Bowl)

Playing our violins and keyboard

Learn to play the guitar

Khan Academy 

Reading

Bible Study

Cooking/Baking together

Board games

Tennis

Naps/Quiet time

Make a plan and have fun!Lynne Brown is a freelance writer, former Montessori teacher, and mom to seven amazing kids, some of whom now have kids of their own. She loves writing on parenting and early childhood education. You can learn more about her at: www.lynnebrownwriting.com.

Japanese forest bathing

Last week our family hiked at Bald Hill. We had masks at the ready and were careful to socially distance from other hikers. We did the pasture loop, which is short, with a wide paved path that skirts around most of the hill. Despite forecasts of sunny, warm weather, it started to sprinkle as we left the car. 

The sprinkle turned to rain as we left the pasture for the trees, but after a bit it stopped. To be honest, the damp was about the only thing I noticed as we walked.

I’m kicking myself today, because we missed a magnificent opportunity to experience what in Japanese is called “shinrin-yoku”, or forest bathing.

Dr. Qing Li , author of Forest Bathing: How Trees Can Help You Find Health and Happiness, describes it like this, “In Japan, we practice something called forest bathing, or shinrin-yoku. Shinrin in Japanese means “forest,” and yoku means “bath.” So shinrin-yoku means bathing in the forest atmosphere, or taking in the forest through our senses.”

He explains, “This is not exercise, or hiking, or jogging. It is simply being in nature, connecting with it through our senses of sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. Shinrin-yoku is like a bridge. By opening our senses, it bridges the gap between us and the natural world.”

The Japanese aren’t the only ones who have discovered the health benefits of communing with nature. There are many studies that have documented how spending time outdoors lowers stress for everyone and, among other things, improves concentration for children with ADHD. You’ll find details and some great links for more reading here

How to Forest Bathe

So how does one “forest bathe”? First, find a forest with even walking paths. You can go it alone, or join a walk led by a certified forest bathing guide.

Walk slowly and stop often. This is exactly what I neglected to do on our visit to Bald Hill. Take time to relax and to notice the environment. Spend time under the trees, soaking up the smells of the forest. Dr Li’s research has found that the chemicals released by the hinoki cypress tree boosts the immune system.

If there are places to sit quietly under the trees, take advantage of them. Listen to the sounds of the forest, observe the birds overhead, the plants growing on the forest floor, and insects scurrying along fallen branches and leaves.

Take a few slow, deep breaths and notice the smell of the forest. Those smells include the beneficial chemicals released by the trees.

Me, I’m wishing I’d been a bit more conscious of the world around me as I walked between those raindrops, trying to keep up with my energetic teens. 

How about you? Have you had an opportunity to spend more time outdoors this month?

 

Lynne Brown is a freelance writer, former Montessori teacher, and mom to seven amazing kids, some of whom now have kids of their own. She loves writing on parenting and early childhood education. You can learn more about her at  www.lynnebrownwriting.com.

 

Screen Time: Strategies for Plugging into Healthy Technology

Is there such a thing as ‘good’ screen time?

Is there such a thing as ‘good’ screen time?

We’ve all heard it – too much screen time can cause insomnia, social disconnection, even impact cognitive development.  As parents, we agonize over how much is too much. Should I be confiscating their phones and iPads? Limiting use of the wifi and TV?  Shutting down the video game console?

Actually, researchers say there are upsides to the technology era we live in.

Says Dr. Katherine M. Keyes, assistant professor of epidemiology at the Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, “Video game playing is often a collaborative leisure time activity for school-aged children. These results indicate that children who frequently play video games may be socially cohesive with peers and integrated into the school community.  We caution against over interpretation, however, as setting limits on screen usage remains an important component of parental responsibility as an overall strategy for student success.” Dr. Keyes made her remarks following a study she conducted on the positive effects of video games on children.

Kara Loo, writing in the Huffington Post, notes seven different ways video games can help kids in school.  Among them, she cites development of critical thinking and reading skills. In her article she says, “Video games also hone spatial thinking, reasoning, memory, perception, and problem-solving — all which come in handy for a wide range of technical careers.”

So what is a parent to do?

The very best time to start thinking about screen time is early – before the age of 5.  The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under the age of 18 months not have any screen time.  For 18 – 24-month-olds, they advise only high-quality programming that you watch with your child. For two-to-five-year-olds (preschoolers), the AAP says you should limit screen time to an hour per day.  

As you decide what is appropriate for your family, you can begin to talk about the use of technology and set expectations.  Conversations started when your child is young helps establish a pattern of communication about technology early on, which can reduce the likelihood of challenges when they are teenagers.

It is also a good idea to take a look at your own relationship with technology.  Very young children absorb much of what they know by observing their environment.  What are your children seeing when they watch how you use technology? How much are you on your phone?  What are your children learning from observing you?  

I was in Seattle over the summer.  We were hurrying down the street, with three hungry children in tow, anxious to get them fed.  Walking along one block, I noticed another family working their way down the same street. Dad was out front, with their older daughter.  Mom followed with the younger child in a stroller. Dad was holding his daughter’s hand with one hand and his cell phone to his ear with the other.  

I watched them walk the entire length of the block, he

deep in conversation, she beside him.  She glanced up at him every so often, but he never noticed. His eyes looked keenly ahead as he focused on the conversation he was having on the phone.  

It was only a moment in time.  Perhaps he’d told her before the phone call started that he’d be busy while they walked.  Maybe she was only checking to see if he was still busy. But I was struck by what he was missing as he pressed forward, unaware of the non-verbal communication from the child at his side.  

It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of our ever-present technology.  A quick check of incoming messages becomes a half-hour of email responses. Spending that free five minutes on social media becomes twenty or more.  

There is a lot of good in the technology we all have access to.  But we are also increasingly aware of the need for establishing boundaries around the time we spend with it.  As Geraldine Walsh exclaimed in an article in the Irish Times, “We need to disconnect and reassure children we value them above our devices.”  

Want to learn more?

For more information on the healthy use of technology, join us at the Old Mill Center on October 15th, 6:30 pm,  for a free parent workshop, “Strategies for Plugging Into Healthy Technology.”  Designed to help parents of young children (0-5) get off on the right foot, the workshop will be led by Richard Halpern, an educator with over 25 years of experience helping parents navigate the growing up years.

Workshop attendees will learn the initial steps to take to assure balance and control around the issue of screen time.  Halpern will help parents learn how to identify a good app or video and will provide resources you can take home and use immediately.

The workshop is free and open to the public. Free childcare will be provided.  Call 541-917-4884 to sign up and register for childcare.  

 

Ultimately, as parents, it is our goal to frame the conversation with our children so that as they grow they are educated and empowered to make healthy choices.  “Plugging into Healthy Technology” will add tools to your parenting tool kit that will help your family have a healthy and empowered relationship with technology.

 

Lynne Brown is a freelance writer, former Montessori teacher, and mom to seven amazing kids, some of whom now have kids of their own.  You can learn more about her at www.lynnebrownwriting.com.

 

6 Ways to lower back-to-school anxiety

Back to school stress can begin even before the school year starts.  What has become our summer routine will quickly be replaced with the demands of a new school year.  This impending change can increase anxiety levels in children and parents alike. 

Here are six quick tips for reducing the tension in your house as everyone gets used to the new ‘normal’ for this school year.

  1. Get into a routine

During big transitions like the first weeks of school in a new class, use predictable routines for the beginning and end of each day to help lower stress.  Routines are reassuring, for children and adults alike. Knowing what needs to be done, and doing that in the same order each day, adds a rhythm to each morning and evening.  We can do it without investing anxious thought and worry in the routine tasks of each day. Very young children gain confidence in themselves when they know they can predict what comes next.

  1. Make time for downtime

Especially during the first two weeks of school, give everyone time to just do nothing.  Consider saving the ‘back to school celebration dinner out’ for later in the month and let your overwhelmed students just veg out at home during these first few weeks of adjustment. 

  1. Stick to the Sleep schedule

Help children get enough sleep by setting appropriate bedtimes.  Begin the bedtime routine early enough that getting to bed isn’t rushed.  Children who are well-rested will have an easier time coping with the stressors of their day.

4.Limit screen time and encourage physical exercise  

Exercise helps prepare the body for better sleep.  Instead of starting a video, take a walk together as a family after dinner. Set a digital curfew each evening to help everyone move into a more restful and sleep-receptive state.  The earlier the better, but experts recommend we step away from our devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime.  A great alternative to winding down in front of a screen is a good old fashioned printed book, read by the light of a table lamp.

  1. Lower your expectations

We all want to have everything ready for the big change of a new school year.  But consider putting off some of the preparation. Yes, you will need a new supply of long pants and long sleeve shirts, but can it wait until early October?  You want everyone to skip off to school gleefully each day, but some days they are more likely to shuffle – or stomp – out the door. Let it go. Give them a hug and a smile anyway, and maybe a little encouragement to go forth and make it a great day.

  1. Put a positive spin on it 

Help anxious children see the upside when they express their fear with comments like, “I don’t want to go back to school.”  Remind them that they will see friends they haven’t seen all summer. Ask them what they are looking forward to the most. Help them see that starting something new can also be exciting.  Just smiling – even if you don’t feel happy – releases endorphins that will make you feel better.  

This time of year often means heightened anxiety at home.  Look for ways to lower the stress of back-to-school at home, so your kids can take their best selves into their new classrooms.  Less anxiety means they will be more open and receptive to the learning their teacher has planned for them.  

Take a deep breath. In a few short weeks, we can look back and congratulate ourselves on settling into our new school year routine. 

 

Lynne Brown is a freelance writer, former Montessori teacher, and mom to seven amazing kids, some of whom now have kids of their own.  You can learn more about her at www.lynnebrownwriting.com.

Helping Kids Cope

Disappointments and difficulties are a part of life. Economic circumstance, political upheaval, and family dynamics can create hardship and adverse life circumstances for children and their families. Sometimes children and families also experience truly traumatic events.

How do we – and our children – cope with both everyday difficulties and larger life trauma?  How can we help our children learn coping skills? Research examines resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties – in an effort to answer those questions.  

Over the last two decades numerous research studies have examined psychological resilience in children, looking to identify the special traits or skills that help children navigate difficult circumstances and overcome adversity.  Surprisingly, what they found is that it is not special traits or skills that help people who cope well with adversity. Instead, people who develop resilience call on the normal coping mechanisms available to us all.

What studies have found is that the key to helping kids learn how to cope turns out to be many of the same things that help kids grow up well: effective parenting, connections with competent and caring adults, self-regulation skills, a positive view of themselves, and the motivation to succeed.

Thus, everyone has the capacity for resilience.  Parents help support their children’s development – including developing their ability to cope – right from the beginning. Young children begin developing resilience as they learn from the responses of their caregivers.

Parents, with the support of other caring family members and community members, can help their children become more resilient through everyday interaction and role modeling. Parents who model resilience – demonstrating self-regulation in the face of disappointment or talking about how they “bounced back” from a setback – help children learn how to cope with disappointments in their own lives.  

Lizzy Francis offers a number of parenting strategies that support the development of resilience with these tips from Amy Morin, author of the book 10 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do:

“Supporting struggling children is important, but the best way parents can teach resilience is by modeling it. Acting cool-headed in the face of stress and acknowledging mistakes provides children with a rubric for failure. Failing, they learn, is not the end of the world. It’s just part of being alive.

Here are the specific suggestions that Morin gives parents looking to teach by doing….

  • Don’t Intervene All The Time
    “When your child is struggling — if, say, his blocks keep tipping over and he’s getting angry, don’t swoop in and do it for them,” says Morin. In other words, practice restraint. It’s easy to step in and help soothe your kid. But letting them struggle helps them learn that they can solve their own problems.
  • Own Up To Your Mistakes
    Parents, per Morin, should actively apologize to their children when they make mistakes, like if they snap at them, or are late to pick them up. “Pointing out what you did wrong — if you didn’t handle your anger very well, or said something that wasn’t very nice — explain what happened, without making an excuse. And then you explain how you will learn from the problem and fix it,” suggests Morin. This, she says, teaches kids that making a mistake is fine, as long as you apologize and learn from them.
  • Examine Their Feelings
    You want to acknowledge a child’s feelings and tell them that their feelings matter,” says Morin. “That makes a big difference in whether they perceive if their feelings are okay, that it’s okay to be scared and still do something anyway.” Letting your kid know that their feelings are legitimate — but that they don’t have to inform their behavior at all times, like, say, when a playground scuffle breaks out — is essential.
  • Audit Your Behavior
    Kids are always watching. Per Morin, it’s essential for parents to think about how they act in moments of daily stress and try to do better. “When you’re dealing with an annoying situation, like the long line at the grocery store, and you’re tired, and you’re hungry, how do you handle it? Are you complaining? Are you staring at your phone? Your kids are watching how you cope with your emotions,” says Morin.

In other words: by being a resilient adult, you teach your kids how to react to moments of stress.”

Parents can also help build resilience by taking care of themselves.  Self-care makes you better equipped to parent and better able to meet everyday challenges.

And good parenting has protective power for children in difficult circumstances.  As does strong, supportive connections with other adults – teachers, mentors, neighbors, and family friends.  For children and teens, relationships with other adults help foster a positive view of themselves and encourages motivation to succeed.

A resilient child has:

  • The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
  • A positive view of themself and confidence in their strengths and abilities.
  • Skills in communication and problem solving.
  • The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.

(https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience)

Luckily these are all skills that can be developed at any stage of life.  As parents, we can help our children learn these skills and behaviors. As community members, neighbors, scout leaders, and sports coaches, we can mentor and support the children in our community as they develop their own resilience.

For more tips on helping your children develop the ability to cope with adversity, join us at the 6th annual PSN Speaker event on Monday, May 20th.  Dr. Ann Masten will be presenting “Ordinary Magic”, a look at building resilience in children.

The event will be held at the Linn Benton Community College, Tripp Theatre, LBCC Albany Campus, 6500 Pacific Blvd. SW, Albany.  Doors open at 6:30. Free childcare is provided by reservation – call 541-917-4884 to reserve your spot.

Love and Anger

Today’s blog post is contributed by guest blogger, Esther Schiedel.  We hope you enjoy the read, and we appreciate Esther’s willingness to write for us!

I remember going to a mother’s group back when my firstborn child was around 2 years old and asking “What do I do with my anger?”

Because I got angry sometimes. When I did I yelled, stomped around, said bad words and/or cruel things. Even when my anger was addressed at inanimate objects, this behavior was upsetting to my daughter.

I don’t recall receiving any helpful advice to my question back in that group. Over the years I learned a few things about managing anger—and sometimes was able to put them into practice! I’m still working on it.

Managing anger is hard. Managing anger at young children or even in the presence of young children is even harder.

One thing I tried was ignoring my feelings. I forced myself to stay calm and tried to be accepting and accommodating. Bad idea. I recall an incident with my second daughter who was in the midst of a tantrum. I was trying hard not to scream at her. I said something like “You are upset about having to leave now.” I was trying to be empathetic but she yelled back at me “Why are you so happy?” All my energy had gone into trying to be calm—and that interfered with my being truly empathetic. My calmness made it appear to her that I didn’t understand her feelings at all. And I wasn’t dealing with my own legitimate feelings.

Forced calmness often led to an even stronger outburst later on my part. I call it snapback—I was like a rubber band that got stretched too far and then broke with a snap.

What helped? Awareness about the factors that contributed to my anger. One big one was neglecting my needs in my efforts to be a “good” self-sacrificing mother. Being tired, hungry, stressed, feeling put upon, not having time or opportunities for doing things I enjoyed . . . all those contributed to the likelihood I would get angry and to the force of my anger.

I did get better at taking care of myself. I learned that the self-sacrificing mother ideal is nonsense. Like athletes, mothers need to take excellent care of themselves or they won’t be able to do their

jobs—and the same is true for all parents and people in helping professions. Other things can be sacrificed –not you.

An important part of self-care is paying attention to feelings. Feelings can serve as warning lights reminding us that some need we have requires attention. Anger is a secondary emotion—we feel scared or frustrated or hurt and then we get angry. Karen Young from HeySigmund.com writes that anger “exists to block other more difficult emotions from rising to the surface.” Our mind is trying to protect us from those feelings we don’t know how to handle. For many of us recognizing emotions may need to be learned and may require professional help—and that’s okay.

Even with the best self-care parents will get angry. And that anger should be acknowledged –in ways that don’t hurt or scare others. In order to do that successfully we first need to recognize the physical signs that indicate we are getting angry. If we’ve never thought about anger in this way, identifying what led up to an outburst (or to a cold simmer, or a stone-faced withdrawal) may take some reflection. Authors Susan Beekman and Jeanne Holmes [Battles, Hassles, Tantrums & Tears] recommend looking back at a recent incident and remembering where, what, and particularly when you started to lose it.

A lot of times parents tell their children, “use your words,“  but words may not be adequate to manage the physical sensations of anger. (Not to mention that the words that come to mind may be ones you don’t want your children repeating.)

Taking deep breaths, briefly walking away, and counting to ten are some things that can help us calm down enough to use appropriate words. Doing something physical but safe—my son recommends hurling ice-cubes into the shower stall—is another approach.

Then simply saying “I’m angry” is a good place to start. Describing what triggered your anger in non-accusatory language can be helpful as well: “When we are late for an appointment, I get frustrated because I like to be on time.”

Nancy Samalin, author of Love and Anger (yes, I stole that title) also suggests: Avoid physical force and threats; Keep it short and to the point; Put it in writing; Focus on the essentials.

And finally, apologize for any hurtful words or actions. This can be a good time to reflect on what triggered you and make plans for handling future situations.

 

Let’s Play

Today’s blog post is contributed by guest blogger, Esther Schiedel.  We hope you enjoy the read, and we appreciate Esther’s willingness to write for us!

I’ve just been reading about research on the value of play. Not that I needed convincing—I love to play! But since parents often worry about ensuring that their children will do well in this complicated world, it may be reassuring to know that play is good for your children. It’s also good for you.

Some of my favorites and their benefits:

Peek-a-boo and other hiding and finding games: Infants love to engage with people. Researchers describe it as “call and response.” The infant does something—looks at the adult for example, and the adult looks back, responding to the need for interaction. Peek-a-boo plays with that looking/not looking relationship. Other hiding games help the child understand object permanence and spatial relationships.  The key thing to remember is to always look to the child and respect when they need to disengage: the baby may turn away or start to fuss. Paying attention to another person’s social cues is a vital skill— which some people find easier to learn than others. Playing peek-a-boo is a wonderful opportunity to work on that—for babies and adults.

Monster, Mad Dog, and other chase games: Always popular at our house so I was pleased to read that this sort of activity can help children with physical and social skills—such as self-assertion and anger management. The caution here is identifying the difference between fear and excitement and terror—again the key is to look to the child to see how they are reacting. I was reminded of a scene in the Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder. She describes Pa pretending to be a mad dog and chasing his daughters around the room. At one point he corners them by the woodbox; they are so frightened that Laura leaps up over the woodbox, dragging her sister Mary with her. “And at once there was no mad dog at all. There was only Pa standing there with his blue eyes shining, looking at Laura.”

Role reversals: Teacher, Parent, Policeman and other roles let a child experiment with having power. These also allow a parent a (partial) break from responsibility. Acting as an assistant to your child’s play (finding Lego pieces, combing doll’s hair) gives them positive attention and can be a meditative practice for you. Simply focusing on your children as they play without trying to direct or get involved is entertaining and an easy way to give them attention. A foundation of the parenting curriculum The Incredible Years is observing and describing your child’s activities as they play—like a sportscaster describing a game. Your positive attention to activities that your child enjoys builds their sense of competence.

Active games and sports can be wonderful for both adults and children. With young children, and those who are not particularly well coordinated (I fall into that category) playing for fun and not keeping score is a good idea. However, watching as my grandson’s baseball team was totally overpowered by a team that was older, I mused that learning to keep calm and to keep trying to do your best is a valuable life skill. As is learning to be a gracious loser. And a respectful winner.

Board games: Speaking of competition, there are many board games nowadays that are co-operative. Instead of playing against each other, you team up to play against some element in the game. These range in complexity from those geared to 2 year-olds to adults. Some are mere chance but others involve strategies. You can also make some traditional games into cooperative ones—such as Memory.

Enough of reasons. Let’s play!

My To-Do List

While the Parenting Success Network works to hire another full-time blogger for this site, members of the Parenting Education staff at LBCC are going to be “guest blogging”.  This week’s guest blogger is LeAnne Trask, the Pollywog Database and Social Media Coordinator.  LeAnne and her husband, Terry, are the parents of three college-age sons.

As a young mom, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out a “plan” for raising my children.  What did I want them to grow up knowing?  What did I want them to believe?  What skills were they going to need?  What kind of things did my kids need to be prepared for?  What kind of Mom was I going to be?

Then, one day, I overhead a woman in my office talking about a “list” that her sister had created for each of her children.  I LOVE lists, and I barraged her with questions about this list.  A few days later, her sister called our office and my co-worker handed me the phone, and I introduced myself to Carol.  I asked her to tell me about her lists, and Carol explained that she believed that there were things that her children needed to know, needed to be able to do, needed to be sure about, before they left her home–just like I did!  I asked for examples.  Carol said that she believed that each of her children should play a musical instrument–well.  She wanted her son to be an Eagle Scout.  She wanted each of her children to find a sport that they loved, and be good at it.  She wanted her children to be able to cook a breakfast, a lunch, and a dinner–well.  She wanted her children to be able to sew, and not just a button!  Carol told me many more things that she had on her lists, and I took lots of notes.

What a great gift Carol gave me!  When an experienced mother shares her thoughts with a new mother, it gives us “fresh eyes” for looking at our situation and setting our goals.  Her idea of using a to-do list for each of her kids was perfect for me because I was already a list-maker.  One of the beauties of using this strategy is that list-making gives back a sense of control, plus there is a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in crossing things off your list.

I went home that night, and I started creating lists for each of my sons.  Over the years, things have been added to those lists, and a few things removed from the lists, but overall, they were the game plan we used to raise our children.  I took some of the things that Carol had on her list, like the importance of being an Eagle Scout and learning a musical instrument, and I added things that were personal to me, like attending Church regularly and participating in service projects.  Learning to cook became a way of life at our house, and all of my sons know how to change their oil and tie a necktie!

Over the years, many mothers have given me advice and shared their experiences–good and bad–and I am grateful for every one of those shared experiences.  I feel like we gave our kids not just a home and a place to hang their hat, but the benefit of our experience and the best of our knowledge.  My hope is that we turned out kids that were as prepared for life as we could make them.

Last Call

Dear parents, caretakers, families, educators, grandparents, aunts, uncles, foster parents, and anyone else I haven’t mentioned who might be reading this blog:

This is my final post for the Parenting Tips blog at Parenting Success Network.

I have been writing to you more or less every week for the last four years. During that time I have enjoyed sharing my evolving challenges with chores and bedtime, my intimations of mortality, and just my straight-up posts about Star Wars.

I appreciate all those who have commented, either here or on that popular social media platform, what’s-its-name. I am grateful for our wonderful guest contributors, who have enriched and diversified my offerings while enabling me to get paid while essentially doing nothing. And the push to write on the regular has been especially valuable, especially since frankly I’m not always feelin’ it. Because here’s the thing: once I get started I’m always glad I did it. I guess there’s a lesson there, or whatever.

It has been a fun four years. Best wishes to the Network and to future blog maestra/os.

Thanks for everything, and keep on parenting!

Such Thing as Free Lunch

This week I want to tell you about something that I love.

It is Oregon’s Summer Meals program, and in this time of uncertainty and crisis I believe it’s one of the few things around that’s just purely good.

It might seem like I’m hyperbolizing (or, more likely, just inventing an excuse to use that word in a sentence), but I tell you it’s true. Why, take a gander if you will at the organization’s handsome and generous website, which provides an overview of the service and a tidy history as well as a sweet site locator to find meals around the state.

What do they do? Well, since it was created thanks to an act of Congress (remember those?) exactly 50 years ago, the USDA-funded program simply gives out free meals to children aged 1-18. Some sites also sell meals to adults, and some offer activities and educational opportunities before or after. That’s it.

Why is that magic? The awesomeness is in the details: how many public programs can you think of that don’t ask you to register your kids, or meet eligibility requirements, or sign up for further something-or-other, or commit to anything? Really! You just show up and they feed your kids. The end. No follow up, no stigma around needing the assistance. I think that’s mighty special.

My kids, who eat a lot and are sometimes in need of assistance, have enjoyed free meals in parks and libraries around Linn and Benton Counties. They’re not picky or anything, but they have pronounced the offerings both varied and pleasing. I believe them.

If you have kids, and a finite amount of financial resources, and/or it’s just too cockadoodle hot to make lunch, I suggest you check out the Summer Meals sitch. Here’s some nice pointers from our own Parenting Success Network.

So, what are you waiting for?

Except maybe morning?